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If He Had Been with Me

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If he had been with me everything would have been differentI wasn't with Finn on that August night But I should've been It was raining of course And Yes I'm rating my own book five stars All mothers think their babies are perfect

CHARACTERS å THARROWEBDESIGN.CO.UK ✓ Laura Nowlin

O not know there is another story The story that lurks between the facts What they do not know the cause of the argument is crucialSo let me tell you Omg my heartThis has been a roller coaster of emotions for me I mean literallyAt one point it was fine and then angry then frustrated then sad and happy and nfjdsnfkjd I could not with my temperament on several occasions especially with the decision of Autumn and their behavior I did not understand why she was taking it But besides that and I have cast me angry sometimes lol I really liked this book the story is good uality and keeps you trapped all the time I'm not a contemporary person and I imagined something mysterious but I've loved and that I surprised for good I love love and love how the relationship between Autumn and Finny feels is like a love beyond the love between two people is like even real crude firm and for ever do not know how to explain it with appropriate words just I felt it throughout the book right through flashbacks and thoughts It was the best of the book without doubt“I've loved him my whole life and somewhere along the way that love didn't change but grew It grew to fill the parts of me that I did not have when I was a child It grew with every new longing of my body and desire until there was not a piece of me that did not love him And when I look at him there is no other feeling in me” This love kept me smiling all the time is beautiful when you can feel on the skin of literary relationships 3Maybe it was not what I expected but I am delighted with what has inflicted this book on me It has so many moments and experiences that I have had to live and that's one of the reason which I find so real and appealing“Just because something seems impossible doesn´t mean that you shouldn´t try” And THAT END Just I can not explain what I feel at first lets you know what is gonna happen and as I thought knew what was coming but was no less hard know it at all My heart stopped for a second and then and and I almost die Yes I'm dramatic is so sad and certainly as Autumn says there is something beautiful in the tragedy also and this book shows it is tragic strong and gives you that dose of hope when everything goes wrong has been just beautiful Now I understand the cover and it's like my feelings You should reading it without doubt if not by because the love in it read it by friendship for learning for dysfunctional families because teaching thoughts and feelings that leave are uniue Handbook of Psychophysiology know there is another story The story that lurks between the facts What they do not Frugal Innovation know the cause of the argument is crucialSo let me tell you Omg my heartThis has been a roller coaster of emotions for me I mean literallyAt one point it was fine and then angry then frustrated then sad and happy and nfjdsnfkjd I could not with my temperament on several occasions especially with the decision of Autumn and their behavior I did not understand why she was taking it But besides that and I have cast me angry sometimes lol I really liked this book the story is good uality and American Presidents, Deportations, and Human Rights Violations keeps you trapped all the time I'm not a contemporary person and I imagined something mysterious but I've loved and that I surprised for good I love love and love how the relationship between Autumn and Finny feels is like a love beyond the love between two people is like even real crude firm and for ever do not Rediscovering Our Galaxy (Iau S334) know how to explain it with appropriate words just I felt it throughout the book right through flashbacks and thoughts It was the best of the book without doubt“I've loved him my whole life and somewhere along the way that love didn't change but grew It grew to fill the parts of me that I did not have when I was a child It grew with every new longing of my body and desire until there was not a piece of me that did not love him And when I look at him there is no other feeling in me” This love When Movements Become Parties kept me smiling all the time is beautiful when you can feel on the skin of literary relationships 3Maybe it was not what I expected but I am delighted with what has inflicted this book on me It has so many moments and experiences that I have had to live and that's one of the reason which I find so real and appealing“Just because something seems impossible doesn´t mean that you shouldn´t try” And THAT END Just I can not explain what I feel at first lets you Gekka Mugentan, Vol. 6 know what is gonna happen and as I thought Illegal Affairs knew what was coming but was no less hard 21 Short Plays know it at all My heart stopped for a second and then and and I almost die Yes I'm dramatic is so sad and certainly as Autumn says there is something beautiful in the tragedy also and this book shows it is tragic strong and gives you that dose of hope when everything goes wrong has been just beautiful Now I understand the cover and it's like my feelings You should reading it without doubt if not by because the love in it read it by friendship for learning for dysfunctional families because teaching thoughts and feelings that leave are uniue

Laura Nowlin ✓ 1 READ

He and Sylvie were arguing as he drove down the slick road No one ever says what they were arguing about Other people think it's not important They d Perhaps he would ask me what books mean to me I would tell him that it means living another life This book was so uncomfortable to read The metamorphosis of Autumn runs parallel to my own teen years This book didn't feel like another life it felt like an alternate universe of my own Not because I had a boyfriend I didn't appreciate or a boy that I loved and didn't deserve Because I asked the same uestions showered until I was numb craved books because I couldn't stand my own actions in a blurry and unforgiving world and feared I was on the path to being trapped in my own mind like my couch ridden mother “I can see some of the roses still blooming in my mother´s garden Brown on the edges and bright in other colors their petals drooping downward dying just as their lives have begun You know where the story will end with the never ending sense of dread in Autumn's narrative; it's no surprise But what may surprise you is that part of you goes down this rabbit hole welling up newfound regret breathing in anger at the fucked up world that honestly doesn't get better as you get older You learn to cope and to harden to get over it and care less The past is over and you can't do anything about it so just keep moving RightAutumn doesn't That is mental illness the constant rewind and fast forward of feeling too much and not enough the past being as palpable as the present This is one of the most real and painfully beautiful teen contemporaries I have read I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins rushing to my heart and marking it forever Lay your fingers on this thorny rose of a book Men on a Mission know where the story will end with the never ending sense of dread in Autumn's narrative; it's no surprise But what may surprise you is that part of you goes down this rabbit hole welling up newfound regret breathing in anger at the fucked up world that honestly doesn't get better as you get older You learn to cope and to harden to get over it and care less The past is over and you can't do anything about it so just Seeing the Light keep moving RightAutumn doesn't That is mental illness the constant rewind and fast forward of feeling too much and not enough the past being as palpable as the present This is one of the most real and painfully beautiful teen contemporaries I have read I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins rushing to my heart and marking it forever Lay your fingers on this thorny rose of a book


10 thoughts on “If He Had Been with Me

  1. says:

    Yes I'm rating my own book five stars All mothers think their babies are perfect


  2. says:

    If He Had Been With Me was a poignant story which I devoured in one sitting It’s a story which deals with issues of friendship first loves and family in the most raw and intense way I have come across in a long time It was a story which I knew how would end but I was utterly mesmerised into reading because of the beautiful heart rendering proseThe story opens with the most heart breaking chapter it gives you an insight into how things end Despite knowing this I continually tried to bury this awful fact at the back of my mind I kept trying to make myself believe that the author would change the course of the story and that maybe she was just playing with us So it came as no surprise that when the ending did finally come I found myself choked up all over againIf He Had Been With Me deals with the story of what ifs Autumn and Finn had been best friends forever they did everything together until middle school that they fell apart for some reason or another Despite their mothers being best friends and being neighbours there was always that awkward tension between them when they spent “family time” together Also they hung out with friends who were on opposite sides of the spectrum to one another so were seen to never mix or interact with one another Despite having a great set of friends and boyfriend in Jamie Autumn’s regret over the loss of her friendship with Finn is clearly apparent At first it’s like a niggling at the back of her mind which she continues to throw away and just focus on the good things happening in her life at the moment but the further she goes through school and seeing Finn all the time bring several feelings of anger betrayal love and loneliness which are continuously eating away at her until it all becomes too much What would have happened if Autumn and Finn didn’t grow apart? Would things have been different now? It’s these constant thoughts that Autumn can’t shut awayThe Story is told with flash backs into Autumn’s and Finn’s memories when they were younger alongside Autumn’s current progression in school some readers may find confusing But I thought these alternating changes in the time span worked wonderfully The stories were timed right as to show their significance into why that memory had a specific impact to why Autumn was the way she was today It gave a better understanding into Autumn’s character and a connection between her in a deep and meaningful way Some readers may have got frustrated with Autumn’s decisions but if I were in her shoes I don’t think I would have done it any other way She had to battle through a lot in this story and I think she dealt with it the best way she couldNowlin focused on many dark and tough issues in this story issues of depression family problems and loneliness were explored in depth What made these issues realistic was that they weren’t just touched upon once but they were followed upon Autumn’s progression through school and clearly showed an important part of the type of person Autumn became I liked how despite their differences Finn was the one who could constantly ground Autumn the one she could turn to when she needed the most Her friends were also a supportive bunch and I enjoyed the fun they had and the time they spent together but one particular point which I didn’t expect at all blemished my high opinion I held of some of themIf you’re worried about giving this book a try because of the heart breaking story please don’t because Nowlin’s gorgeous prose is not one to be missed Her writing was littered with several beautiful passages and was delicate yet purposeful with each word puncturing a hole in my heart Despite being a complete mess a few days afterwards and constantly asking myself how and why Nowlin would do this to me I am sure that He Had Been With Me will remain as one of my favourites reads for a long time to comeMy feelings for this book are perfectly summed up by this gorgeous uote from this book “This book is a treasure; I did not suspect it would be so good when I picked it up but now I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins rushing to my heart and marking it forever I want to savour this wonder this happening of a loving book and reading it for the first time because the first time is always the best and I will never read this book for the first time again”


  3. says:

    Wow I did not expected it to be this good Damn you Laura Nowlin I will stalk you till you give me a new book If He Had Been With Me was on my 'can't wait' list for months and I couldn't resist and read it the moment I got my hands on it I started reading in the morning and didn't put it down until I was done crying because I had a feeling someone stabbed me in the heart even though the book started with the most unpleasant thing than can happen I chose to ignore it There was just no way the story would go there Well I cried for a long time Autumn used to be friends with her first door neighbor Finn but after middle school she becomes very popular and they grow apart Now in high school Autumn is a part of a gang who are different from other students They dress differently listen to cool music change their hair colors well you get the picture Finn is hangin with the popular crowd cheerleaders and football players and they ignore each other all the time except it's hard since their mothers are really close friends and they even eat together Even though Finn and Autumn are not friends any she can help but think about the time they spent together so we get to read about their childhood memories Finn is such a sweet guy and is a devoted friend so I couldn't help but cheer for him to end up with Autumn even though they were both dating other people Autumn is also battling with depression which she ignores as a winter blues Her boyfriend is not really helpful in that department so Finn is there to make it all better Finn's dad is also never around but he tries to buy his affection with expensive gifts Both characters need each other to move on from their issues but disaster strikes and everything changes I love to read heartbreaking stories because they make me feel alive Make me see life in another light I will bore my friends to pick this book up until they block me I urge you to buy it It's worth the money Yes I know you want to read it So what are you waiting for?


  4. says:

    LAURA NOWLIN WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?


  5. says:

    Perhaps he would ask me what books mean to me I would tell him that it means living another life This book was so uncomfortable to read The metamorphosis of Autumn runs parallel to my own teen years This book didn't feel like another life it felt like an alternate universe of my own Not because I had a boyfriend I didn't appreciate or a boy that I loved and didn't deserve Because I asked the same uestions showered until I was numb craved books because I couldn't stand my own actions in a blurry and unforgiving world and feared I was on the path to being trapped in my own mind like my couch ridden mother “I can see some of the roses still blooming in my mother´s garden Brown on the edges and bright in other colors their petals drooping downward dying just as their lives have begun You know where the story will end with the never ending sense of dread in Autumn's narrative; it's no surprise But what may surprise you is that part of you goes down this rabbit hole welling up newfound regret breathing in anger at the fucked up world that honestly doesn't get better as you get older You learn to cope and to harden to get over it and care less The past is over and you can't do anything about it so just keep moving Right?Autumn doesn't That is mental illness the constant rewind and fast forward of feeling too much and not enough the past being as palpable as the present This is one of the most real and painfully beautiful teen contemporaries I have read I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins rushing to my heart and marking it forever Lay your fingers on this thorny rose of a book


  6. says:

    It has been a long time since I have fallen so hard for a contemporary YA novel I have barely heard of any buzz surrounding Laura Nowlin's debut I ordered it on a whim not really sure what to expect I liked the cover the premise sounded like my kind of thing and I always like the chase of finding a YA book free of preconceived hopes and praise I was unprepared for just how good this book is easily my favourite YA book of the year so far and it now sits on my favourites shelfNowlin is a born storyteller And this book differs from other YA books as it spans over three years of Autumn's life told in the present but it also encapsulated much than that with memories and flashbacks I love the time span of this novel it stretched ahead of me and wrapped itself around me and I was entirely absorbed into Autumn's worldThis is a YA coming of age love story but not in that swoony predictable way It hit me harder than a just the regular dreamy smile for the hot guy next door and Finny is a hot boy living next door I felt it right through to my stomach and to my chest constricting as I watched August and Finny together The things left unsaid the memories swirling around them hope's dashed future's uncertain Nowlin so perfectly captures that teen voice the misunderstandings between teenagers the things unsaid the dreams the doubts the wildly good times and also snatches of depression I love Autumn as she felt so real no aspect of her was gimmicky She was fully nuanced so gorgeous and bold and different without ever falling into a YA cliché and I loved seeing the world from her eyes She was the perfect blend of confident and unsure Nothing was black and white I loved all the shades of grey in her feelings and everything that was going on in her world I loved her for her fairytale hopes all mashed up with trying to face reality For her love of reading and her uncompromising stance on who she was even as she was trying to figure out the very same thing And oh how I love the history of her relationship with Finny There are a lot of flashbacks and memories and I never grew tired of it I felt included in their lives Finny himself is now one of my most favourite YA boys not just as a gorgeous love interest but for who he was If He Had Been With Me has it's own uniue vibe The prose sometimes has it's own jaunty little rhythm other times passages are so so poignant and heartfelt that my chest constricted The writing was deeply personal holding nothing back With such a lush scope of three years plus Nowlin explores so many experiences friendships cliues first love divorce mental health sex all those gorgeous moments caught between the mystery and promise of adulthood looming ahead while thinking back on childhood The thing about this book is it just kept getting better and better For me it was like meeting a new friend and liking them and then getting to know them until they become one of those lifelong besties that you cannot imagine life without I liked Autumn so much from the outset but she grew on me exponentially so as did her friends her mum and aunty and of course Finny and now I just have this love for them and I know I won't ever be forgetting this gorgeous beautiful and achey story For discussion I would have preferred the book without the prologue chapter The writing itself pulled me into the story that and the promise of what was to come I did not need such a dramatic hook I also am not a fan of the blurb that's on GR I think it changes the reading experience luckily I did not read the blurb on that site which is also used on most bloggers review posts etc and only read the back cover of the book The ending felt rushed then abrupt I think I needed a tiny bit longer to linger in the story to make sense of it all but I understand what Nowlin was trying to do I can't stop thinking about this story I am crazily excited to fall this hard for a debut author and cannot wait to read of Nowlin's work understatement I have a new absolute favourite book so much passages bookmarked I have so much love for this book and hope it falls into many hands I envy those readers their first time reading experience waiting before them LOVEConfession I stayed up until 430am to finish this one My only regret is it's already overPerfect theme song the Special Two by the ever lush Missy Higginshttpwwwyoutubecomwatch?vPJA92W


  7. says:

    Omg my heartThis has been a roller coaster of emotions for me I mean literallyAt one point it was fine and then angry then frustrated then sad and happy and nfjdsnfkjd I could not with my temperament on several occasions especially with the decision of Autumn and their behavior I did not understand why she was taking it But besides that and I have cast me angry sometimes lol I really liked this book the story is good uality and keeps you trapped all the time I'm not a contemporary person and I imagined something mysterious but I've loved and that I surprised for good I love love and love how the relationship between Autumn and Finny feels is like a love beyond the love between two people is like even real crude firm and for ever do not know how to explain it with appropriate words just I felt it throughout the book right through flashbacks and thoughts It was the best of the book without doubt“I've loved him my whole life and somewhere along the way that love didn't change but grew It grew to fill the parts of me that I did not have when I was a child It grew with every new longing of my body and desire until there was not a piece of me that did not love him And when I look at him there is no other feeling in me” This love kept me smiling all the time is beautiful when you can feel on the skin of literary relationships 3Maybe it was not what I expected but I am delighted with what has inflicted this book on me It has so many moments and experiences that I have had to live and that's one of the reason which I find so real and appealing“Just because something seems impossible doesn´t mean that you shouldn´t try” And THAT END Just I can not explain what I feel at first lets you know what is gonna happen and as I thought knew what was coming but was no less hard know it at all My heart stopped for a second and then and and I almost die Yes I'm dramatic is so sad and certainly as Autumn says there is something beautiful in the tragedy also and this book shows it is tragic strong and gives you that dose of hope when everything goes wrong has been just beautiful Now I understand the cover and it's like my feelings You should reading it without doubt if not by because the love in it read it by friendship for learning for dysfunctional families because teaching thoughts and feelings that leave are uniue


  8. says:

    This book could have been epic The beautiful cover and the description of this book lured me in and I couldn’t wait to read this story I knew from the description that a tragedy would occur I was than prepared to take the journey and meet Autumn and Finny The part that I wasn’t prepared for was the abrupt anticlimactic ending The story brings a reader through four years of high school with the back ground of Finn and Autumn’s neighborbest friendfamily relationship that has now become strained while both characters find themselves and pursue different friendsI would rate the majority of the book as a 4 star read I loved following Autumn’s teenage life friends family and boyfriends Sadly I would have to give the ending a 1 star rating As a reader the story’s slow build up to Autumn and Finny declaring their love which does finally occurs in the last 90% of the book However the whole thing falls apart in the last couple of pages with an abrupt weak ending There were no surprises found in the ending no profound moments nothing NADAOverall I loved Autumn and Finny and felt deflated not sad by the end of the book I wanted so much for our main character


  9. says:

    Dear Bookyou broke my heart I hate you and adore you at the same time and I definitely won't forget you for a long timeReview to come


  10. says:

    IF The saddest word in the English dictionaryOkayNo wait I'm not okay If there's one thing that I can proudly say about If He Had Been with Me it's that it can make you sad I wouldn't normally like this book because bestfriends highschool drama and first love are the key words that let me know that I will soon be frustrated with what I am readingBut that was not the case with this bookI love this I devoured it in one sitting and though it didn't shatter my already cynical heart it did cracked it I think that the most powerful thing that this book can give you is the feeling of regret and God knows though I never had a lot of things in my life that I regretted it still makes me fucking sadAnd to uote what Autumn said Being sad is beautifulAnd so is this book Read it


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